Leave it All Behind
by Boy On Strings
Summary: Stiles leaves for college, a trip of almost three thousand miles to get to New York University.


**Author's Notes:**

**Don't Own Teen Wolf.**  
><strong>Don't make money off this.<strong>**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>They never talked about it, what would happen after high school. Stiles wished it was just because Scott thought that nothing would change between them. The truth was more painful. Scott just didn't really care what was going on with Stiles anymore.<p>

They never talked about what it was like before Allison came to Beacon Hills. They never talked about the time that they had spent together, curled up in Stiles's bed or Scott's. They never talked about the companionship, the closeness. They never talked about the night they had gotten drunk and fooled around.

Neither of them ever brought up the time they kissed during a game of spin the bottle. It was just a game, it didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything to Scott anyway. Allison's arrival was the nail in the coffin for whatever it was that was between them.

At first Stiles had hoped it was just a phase, something new that Scott got mixed up with the emotions during his change. There were a lot of little things that proved to Stiles that wasn't true. They never talked about the time that Scott almost killed him in the locker room. The one time they talked about how badly Scott hurt Stiles was when Scott was losing his shit under the full moon. It didn't matter, just like the one time Scott had let Stiles blow him while they were drunk in their freshmen year. Just something that had happened and didn't mean anything.

When Stiles listened to the fading beeps of the heart monitor, when he watched how Allison holding Scott's hand was enough to bring his friend back from the edge he knew that he didn't have a chance. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. It gutted him and left him gasping for breath, Scott didn't even look up. Stiles watched Scott seek comfort in Allison's embrace and tried not to die. He spent every day after that trying not to let little parts of himself die when he saw them together.

There were more tests and Allison passed all of them. Allison was the person that Scott wanted. Stiles thought he was lucky when he was an afterthought. Was grateful for the scraps of companionship Scott tossed him when Allison was busy with something else. He knew it was pathetic but it didn't matter.

Their senior year came and went and Scott never asked where Stiles was going to college. He never asked what he'd study or why. He talked about how he was going to go to UCLA with Allison. Scott must have assumed that Stiles would go too because that's what Stiles did. He followed Scott.

Stiles packed the last of his bags into the back of his jeep, closed the trunk lovingly. He had said goodbye to his father that morning, promised that he'd keep in touch. The sheriff had told him he was welcome to come home and visit whenever he wanted, that he didn't need to wait until Holidays or if he ran out of money. They hugged but neither one of them acknowledged the tears in their eyes. His father was proud of him, proud for getting into a college on the East Coast.

The blue jeep pulled out of the driveway and he drove to Scott's house. Stiles sat in his car and held the letter he had hand written. He wanted to explain to Scott why he was leaving without telling him where he was going but he wasn't sure he could without telling Scott how much he loved him. How much he was going to miss him.

Stiles was afraid to see the pity in Scott's brown eyes. Worse, he was afraid he'd see anger or something else. He'd wrote it all down, poured his heart out onto that paper along with his tears. It wasn't enough, words weren't enough.

He didn't have anything that would be enough, no way to tell his only friend that he loved him in a way that would make sense. Scott was happy with Allison, Stiles was happy for them. He was, he just wished that it was Stiles who gave Scott the strength to be a better person, but Scott was only a better person for Allison. Scott could be whatever Allison needed.

Stiles crushed the letter in his hands and tossed it out the window. He wouldn't say goodbye, Scott probably wasn't even home. Stiles had almost three thousand miles to drive to get to New York. He stroked the steering wheel of his jeep lovingly. The truth was his baby was his only friend, the only thing that stayed with him through thick and thin. She'd had her heart torn out by an insane Alpha werewolf but Stiles had worked tirelessly to put it back together. She couldn't put his heart back together though.

He pulled back onto the street and headed for the highway. There was no point in saying goodbye to the rest of Scott's pack. He couldn't face any of them. When he thought about Derek, Jackson, Scott, Allison, and Lydia words came to mind like fate. Destiny, that's what they had. They were all bound together in different ways. Stiles was just the sidekick, tagging along on Scott's shadow because that's the only place he was comfortable, the only way he could be close to his friend. Stiles was a human in a little town full of werewolves, he just didn't fit in with them anymore.

A couple of months ago Stiles had a confrontation with Derek, something that he hated himself for doing. After that Stiles couldn't even go to the pack's gatherings. He couldn't face what was in Derek's eyes every day after that confrontation. Derek felt sorry for Stiles; the pity was like a knife in his heart. He didn't want to think about what had happened that day.

Stiles would find a new life in New York, a better life. He'd find his own destiny and maybe someone to love. They wouldn't be Scott but that was probably a good thing. Stiles loved Scott blindly and unconditionally. Scott walked all over him by accident, not because Scott was a malicious person, but because he was just focused on other stuff. Stuff that wasn't Stiles or his fears, hopes, dreams, and wishes. Stiles didn't blame him for it, but he couldn't live with it anymore either.

Including California and New York, his route would take him through twelve states as he went from coast to coast, three thousand miles and twelve states alone with nothing but music and memories. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and began the journey to find something new, to find out who he was without Scott and to see if that person was someone he could live with.

He was fine until he saw the sign that said 'Thank you for visiting California'. He pulled into the emergency lane right in front of the sign. His body curled up on itself, head on the steering wheel and he cried bitterly. He cried for all the things he was leaving behind, cried because he may never see the guy he loved again. He cried because he hadn't told anyone other than his father that he'd gotten into NYU. He cried because he had changed his phone number that morning and made his father promise not to give it to anyone, including Scott. His father had agreed but didn't look happy with Stiles's decision.

When he was done, when all the tears had left him, he wiped his face off with a napkin from his glove compartment. He looked at the sign again, hardened his heart, and pulled back onto the highway. With California behind him he only had eleven more states to go before he'd reach New York.

He wondered what he'd find there. He could only hope it'd be less painful than what he was leaving behind. As he looked up into the sky he saw the full moon and some part of his mind imagined he heard the forlorn howl of a creature in unspeakable pain. He turned his radio up and tried to drown the imaginary sound out, but no matter how loud the music was, Stiles couldn't drown out the noises coming from his own breaking heart.


End file.
